Very Cavallari: Kristin, You're Rich (S2E5)

Kristin has a bunch of friends coming in and they are staying at their old house which hasn’t sold. I am in shock that no one has purchased their former home, which led me to read about how difficult it is to sell luxury real estate in Nashville. The list price was $7.9 and it is now listed at $6.9 million. Ouch.

Pretty sure Kristin telling Jay she wants to make a decision (Pantone colors for Little James camo) and for him to validate said decision is the secret to a long term relationship.

I’m done reporting on Stone and Brittainy until they do something worth mentioning.

Justin (her hair colorist) is a true Angelino because he is AGHAST at the size of her home. He then has a “Kristin, you’re RICH” moment that sky rockets him to my most loved list. Girl talk ensues with the Palm Springs crew. They take shots out of mini moscow mule copper cups which I obviously want and Pip procedes to get wasted. Jay is praised for taking care of the kids and picking up her call which displays the #patriarchy perfectly and Kristin is honest that they are in a rut and things are never perfect. Foreshadowing for the fight they have later this episode.

Colby is happy because she booked a show. I could not be less interested in her career outside of Uncommon James. Brittainy perfectly shows why open floor plans are a disaster because she has to go outside with Matt, in public, to clear the air with him. Matt asks if she reacts to him aggressively because he is a man, Brittainy gets triggered, the air is not clear.

Give me this drink fridge.

Jay has been drinking all day and is being antisocial which displeases Kristin. Jay makes some cracks about their finances and that is when things take a turn. Jay goes to hide, comes back, and then they fight over beverages? They literally kiss and make up. Kelly talks about freezing her eggs and gets a pep talk from Biegs, the other single woman present.

Everyone goes to Colby’s show, including Stone and Brittainy, which weirds the rest of the team out.

Kristin and Jay debrief the trip and he admits he could have been better. Scenes from next week show an ex of Kelly’s who is also her client and more Brittainy drama!!!!!!!!!!!

Very Cavallari: Things Get XXX (S2E5)

We find Kristin still in Laguna, FaceTiming with Jay while strolling down the beach, as one does. She is also going to see her dad who it sounds like is somewhat isolated/estranged from her. He looks great, tbh, and they talk about Laguna Beach. Kristin apparently didn’t get a heads up she was the villain which is ironic because that’s why they brought her back to The Hills.

In the warehouse, Matt admits it is hard to keep up with inventory and the growth of the business. “Shipping is so complex” is the best statement Brittainy has ever said, right before she tells Matt he is moving to customer service and being replaced. Anticlimactic.

We learn a lot about grief as Kristin talks about how her dad is processing death, how it has set in more for Kristin since she went back home and Jay is a man of few but supportive words. The scene ends with Kristin crying which we’ve only seen as she yells about her business. This depth! I know the show is meant to be light but it’s definitely a reminder that Kristin is, in fact, just a person.

Jay is now incubating eggs now. It is a 21 day process, something I never thought I would learn from Jay Cutler. He is the perfect example of what happens when someone has too much money and too much free time and it brings me joy.

Kristin tries to instate a zero tolerance policy for gossiping/trash talking which is the most laughable thing I’ve ever seen. After a producer asks Matt if there is truth to the “mean girling,” Matt has that classic “who me?” moment and exclaims “do YOU think there is any truth to it!?!?!?”

Kristin tells Colbie she thinks she and Matt are in cahoots which means…you do not just put them together in customer service and expect things to go well. Cut to dinner with Brittainy, Kelly and Kristin which is not a trio we have seen before. Things turn sexual which how you know girls are bonding according to movies and television.

Wirth and Jay for size

Next we go to the Block Agency party which is literally the agency that represents 90% of the people on this show and where Chuy works. Chuy wears a sequin jacket and YES. Colbie and Kaylee have a chat and bury the hatchet but something tells me the drama will prevail! Jay shades Matt, as only the first husband of a company can, and I still want more Matt.

Um, not only is Kaylee UJ’s only (visible) black employee, she is also married to a woman. I like Kaylee more and more every episode.

Chuy debuts the model who flew in from NYC to “meet Kelly.” He fails to make an impression and Reagan does the best thing she’s done on the show and saves Kelly.

It has been a year since Jay played football and now he is picking up sticks in the front yard. What a beautiful juxtaposition. I feel endeared to Jay after this episode in a way I haven’t before. Next week, more drama!

Very Cavallari: LA Ladies (S2E4)

We start with Colby. Girls look up to Colby because she has been with Kristin from the beginning which really means they are jealous of her and want to take her down. Jay’s solution to everything is to fire people which I have to say I am on board with. The staff speaks up about not liking Kaylee and Brittainy gets heated defending her, probably because Kaylee is the only other person who is functional on a consistent basis.

Jay offers to wing woman Kelly and I would watch that spin off dating show.

Not sorry for the butt shot

Kaylee is back and she is not falling for this “I’m cute and my outfit is worth 1k” act most of the employees are getting by on. Kristin and Brittainy head to LA for a pop up shop which means all hell is going to break loose back in Nashville. They will also be missing Cyber Monday which seems like a bad idea when things are already in tense, crying shambles.

Brittainy and Stone talk in a hat store. Out in LA, we learn pop up shop means kiosk in front of the movie theater. Jay is wearing what I can best describe as a fall camo onesie. Kristin puts Kaylee in charge via Brittainy but no one informs anyone else. Matt gets a little triggered by it. I’m ready for someone to get sent home on the spot.

Jay and Kelly meet up at a bar and have a very sweet rapport. He convinces her to join a dating app and to let him run it and set up dates for her. Am I getting the dating show I asked for!!??

Back in LA, Kristin is doing her press interviews next to the Cheesecake Factory. We are ping ponging around from location to location and it tough for me to be invested in one storyline, let alone write about it. Everyone bitches about Kaylee and says she is stepping on toes which she would not have to do IF PEOPLE DID THEIR JOBS. Enough on that.

Kristin and Brittainy have a heart to heart about partners, family and making it all work. Kristin goes to Laguna Beach on the 3 year anniversary of her brother’s death, which gets sad and emotional, and she and her friend revisit memories from high school. They end on this sad note, but scenes from next week show Chuy trying to set up Kelly and more girl drama. This is turning in to Laguna Beach: Do Your Job, I’m Running A Business.

Very Cavallari: Shipping, Shipping, Shipping (S2E3)

Overalls Jay is my new favorite Jay - more so than jaunty vest Jay. He is really embracing the farm life with all of his landscaping!

Shipping is the theme of this season. Wirth brings in some hot dudes to do heavy lifting of the boxes that are actually full of products. If only those were the ones they were shipping. Colby is flirting which we know is going to be a disservice to her. Some light Instagram stalking tells me she’s dating the guy she is flirting with or someone who looks very similar to him. They are moving to a new warehouse and there is more flirting than working which upsets the head honchos but makes for more fun tv.

Um all of a sudden we flashback to the store manager before Brittainy named Kayley (who doesn’t get a chyron so I don’t know how it is spelled) and Kristin claims that SHE didn’t fire her HR did but girl we know you do not have an HR director!?!?! I want Kayley she is badass I do not care if people didn’t think she was “nice” enough.

This dress will never look like you’re wearing it correctly.

Jay arrives at the office in a sport coat and slacks which puts everyone on notice immediately. Kelsey is already crying which is not a great sign. Kaylee (chyron makes the spelling official) shows up in the rectangle earrings they all own and a great hat. Kristin had no idea why Kaylee got fired which maybe means you should reevaluate your HR department? Anyway, Kaylee is back and I already love her. Back at the store, Jay is watching a lot of people do what comes off like not a lot.

Jay gives a solid analysis of whats happening at the office and it seems like no one is fired. Stone an Brittainy talk. Kaylee comes to the UJ cocktail party and Colby goes white. Brittainy has perma surprise face. Colby goes outside to cry and talk trash about Kaylee to an anonymous brunette about how hard her year has been. Kristin announces everyone needs to grow the F up and scenes from next week have Kaylee laying down the law like the queen she is.

On Hair Removal

There are a lot of ways to have hair forcibly removed from your body. I have tried too many of them. Here are my opinions. 

WARNING: This post acknowledges the existence of female genitalia (referred to as a hoo-ha) and butts. 

Waxing
The most obvious choice. What I didn't realize, is how many kinds of wax are out there. 
Soft wax w/ strips: the quickest, most common way to get waxed. Hurts like a beast the first time and in my case, has residual aches that last until the next day. The wax also has to be kept pretty hot and there is a lot of waste (paper strips and wooden applicators) to keep things hygienic. 
PROS: Quick, efficient, effective
CONS: Feels like your hoo-ha needs to take a day off from work. The hot wax burns the hoo-ha and makes your butthole pucker which I know the esthetician sees and I am VERY insecure about. 

Hard Wax: this wax is thicker and also hot. Instead of using paper, the wax itself hardens and is ripped off your skin. The process takes longer but does not have the residual pain of soft wax and for me, does not hurt as much. Some estheticians use soft wax on outer areas and hard wax on inner areas. 
PROS: Less pain overall, no day off required. Half the waste, as there is no paper needed. 
CONS: Still makes holes pucker up from heat and takes longer which means more conversation with someone DEEPLY familiar with your bathing suit area. 

CHOCOLATE BASED WAX: Not even kidding, I got a brazilian in Portland from a woman who has a gender neutral policy and sees many of the PDX drag queens on her table. I was discouraged by the soft wax until the first pull which netted 5% of the pain I was expecting. 
PROS: Is heated at a much lower temperature, eliminating puckering. Has the speed of soft wax. SMELLS LIKE CHOCOLATE. 
CONS: Still wasteful. Seems much less common

Sugaring
An ancient practice (as they all claim to be) that uses melted sugar, water and varying additives like honey or starch. The amorphous ball (which reminds me of The Blob) is then dragged all over your skin to remove the hair. I found it pulled on my skin a lot and required a lot of pressure, but there was no lasting pain afterward. It took somewhere between hard and soft wax timing. 
PROS: Hypoallergenic, all natural, very limited waste, no lasting pain.
CONS: More pain during and force that ended in some light bruising (I am a peach).

Threading
Also, ancient. I have only had eyebrows threaded and it hurt. It is cheap though as all that is required is...thread. I don't know what kind of knot situation happens but one piece of thread is in the person's mouth which seems unwieldy? It was cheap and quick and felt like a razor was being scraped across my face. 
PROS: Quick, cheap, no waste.
CONS: Feels like Edward Scissorhands is involved. Also concerned you're one esthetician sneeze away from having no eyebrow. 

Implications for the Future
I have not tried electrolysis but hear it is worth the hype. Feels like something I should pay full price for a not get a Groupon? Prefer bi-monthly masochism, for now. 

I often get waxed while on work trips thus out of state. First, because I have the time and second...I don't know. My tips for trying new places are:
    1) make sure you are in a city where there is a competitive market for whatever method you're using. This helps ensure people need to be good to have consistent customers, since there is competition. The worst wax I ever got was in San Antonio, TX and she was the only person I could find that did the full monty. BAD OMEN. 
     2) look to see if the business/person responds to Yelp reviews, both positive or negative. Again, shows they need to be responsive to criticism to keep up a client base.
     3) if it seems too cheap to be quality, it probably is.  

If you have opinions, plz share below. 

Quotable

“This feeling wasn’t fake, even though it turned out to be temporary.
”

— Emily Gould, “And the Heart Says Whatever.”

Quotable

“20-somethings have the tendency to imagine that their 20s are the last chance they’re going to have to experiment, explore, and party. This is a false premise. Restaurants and cafes continue to let people over 29 through their doors. They even serve them alcohol.
”

— Holden Desalles