Very Cavallari: Things Get XXX (S2E5)

We find Kristin still in Laguna, FaceTiming with Jay while strolling down the beach, as one does. She is also going to see her dad who it sounds like is somewhat isolated/estranged from her. He looks great, tbh, and they talk about Laguna Beach. Kristin apparently didn’t get a heads up she was the villain which is ironic because that’s why they brought her back to The Hills.

In the warehouse, Matt admits it is hard to keep up with inventory and the growth of the business. “Shipping is so complex” is the best statement Brittainy has ever said, right before she tells Matt he is moving to customer service and being replaced. Anticlimactic.

We learn a lot about grief as Kristin talks about how her dad is processing death, how it has set in more for Kristin since she went back home and Jay is a man of few but supportive words. The scene ends with Kristin crying which we’ve only seen as she yells about her business. This depth! I know the show is meant to be light but it’s definitely a reminder that Kristin is, in fact, just a person.

Jay is now incubating eggs now. It is a 21 day process, something I never thought I would learn from Jay Cutler. He is the perfect example of what happens when someone has too much money and too much free time and it brings me joy.

Kristin tries to instate a zero tolerance policy for gossiping/trash talking which is the most laughable thing I’ve ever seen. After a producer asks Matt if there is truth to the “mean girling,” Matt has that classic “who me?” moment and exclaims “do YOU think there is any truth to it!?!?!?”

Kristin tells Colbie she thinks she and Matt are in cahoots which means…you do not just put them together in customer service and expect things to go well. Cut to dinner with Brittainy, Kelly and Kristin which is not a trio we have seen before. Things turn sexual which how you know girls are bonding according to movies and television.

Wirth and Jay for size

Next we go to the Block Agency party which is literally the agency that represents 90% of the people on this show and where Chuy works. Chuy wears a sequin jacket and YES. Colbie and Kaylee have a chat and bury the hatchet but something tells me the drama will prevail! Jay shades Matt, as only the first husband of a company can, and I still want more Matt.

Um, not only is Kaylee UJ’s only (visible) black employee, she is also married to a woman. I like Kaylee more and more every episode.

Chuy debuts the model who flew in from NYC to “meet Kelly.” He fails to make an impression and Reagan does the best thing she’s done on the show and saves Kelly.

It has been a year since Jay played football and now he is picking up sticks in the front yard. What a beautiful juxtaposition. I feel endeared to Jay after this episode in a way I haven’t before. Next week, more drama!

Very Cavallari: LA Ladies (S2E4)

We start with Colby. Girls look up to Colby because she has been with Kristin from the beginning which really means they are jealous of her and want to take her down. Jay’s solution to everything is to fire people which I have to say I am on board with. The staff speaks up about not liking Kaylee and Brittainy gets heated defending her, probably because Kaylee is the only other person who is functional on a consistent basis.

Jay offers to wing woman Kelly and I would watch that spin off dating show.

Not sorry for the butt shot

Kaylee is back and she is not falling for this “I’m cute and my outfit is worth 1k” act most of the employees are getting by on. Kristin and Brittainy head to LA for a pop up shop which means all hell is going to break loose back in Nashville. They will also be missing Cyber Monday which seems like a bad idea when things are already in tense, crying shambles.

Brittainy and Stone talk in a hat store. Out in LA, we learn pop up shop means kiosk in front of the movie theater. Jay is wearing what I can best describe as a fall camo onesie. Kristin puts Kaylee in charge via Brittainy but no one informs anyone else. Matt gets a little triggered by it. I’m ready for someone to get sent home on the spot.

Jay and Kelly meet up at a bar and have a very sweet rapport. He convinces her to join a dating app and to let him run it and set up dates for her. Am I getting the dating show I asked for!!??

Back in LA, Kristin is doing her press interviews next to the Cheesecake Factory. We are ping ponging around from location to location and it tough for me to be invested in one storyline, let alone write about it. Everyone bitches about Kaylee and says she is stepping on toes which she would not have to do IF PEOPLE DID THEIR JOBS. Enough on that.

Kristin and Brittainy have a heart to heart about partners, family and making it all work. Kristin goes to Laguna Beach on the 3 year anniversary of her brother’s death, which gets sad and emotional, and she and her friend revisit memories from high school. They end on this sad note, but scenes from next week show Chuy trying to set up Kelly and more girl drama. This is turning in to Laguna Beach: Do Your Job, I’m Running A Business.